Cogs can think.

The chesire cat and Alice and me. Exactly one year ago, I made one of the most difficult decisions I ever had to make up until then (and now too, by the way). A year ago I told my family and friends I was going to quit my psychology study stande pede.

The decision of the century. Oh yes.

A lot has changed since then. My mother’s fight against cancer only just started at that time– now we’re past the chemotherapy, past the radation therapy, past the first checkups. I’m proud of her and my father and yes, even myself. My ‘new’ friends at my new study already mean a lot to me. I always prefer to believe I’m not one of the most easy going of people, but I think that’s more of a sort of defence mechanism than a proper description of reality.

Oh, fcuk me. I’m fcuking easy going and if you can’t fcuking see it, fcuk off.

—

A year ago the following quote from the best book ever written fit me damn well.

‘Would you tell me please, which way I ought to go from here?’
‘That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,’ said the Cat.
‘I don’t much care where-’ said Alice.
‘Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,’ said the Cat.

And it still fits me well. I still have no damn clue where my life will be going– all I know, just like a year ago, is that I’ll be alright. So then, did nothing change? If I still don’t know where my life is going, how the hell am I supposed to know how to actually lead my life?

The answer is simple: I don’t. But I’ve come to realise that nobody knows. Nobody has one hell of a clue where they are going, how they are getting there, and sure as hell they have no fcuking clue why they’re going where they’re going.

And that’s for the better. How damn boring would life be if you’d know exactly what’s going to happen every next morning?