Cogs can think.

Jesus Christ. Jesus tapdancing Christ.

In Heerenveen, near the world’s most famous speed skating ring Thialff, there’s a new ice skating ring. Only this new ring is a product of the climate hype, so it isn’t an ice skating ring at all.

You see, the climate control systems and other devices needed to maintain a cold climate inside an artificial ice skating ring devour boatloads of energy. Thialff alone uses as much energy as 2000 households, and, of course, since everybody these days wants to cuddle with fluffy animals and drive pointless hybrids, something needed to be done about that. So, what did a few clever Dutch scientists come up with? A soft plastic mixed with lubricants, on which you can ice skate as if it’s real ice. It costs no energy to maintain, and all you need to do is sweep it.

Fcuking blasphemy.

Speed skating is a sport very close to my heart - I practiced it on a few levels above recreational skating for years (lessons and such). It’s a noble sport, where the players live for only one thing: ice skating. They don’t make boatloads of money, and need to train extremely hard to be able to compete on an international level.

Speed skating is what baseball or American football is to the US: a people’s sport, practiced by just about anyone. Basically every Dutch boy and girl have been thrown onto the ice by their parents, with a pair of Friese Doorlopers and a few prepared sandwiches - and don’t dare to come back before supper. Images like the one below make my heart skip a few beats.

Our ice skating heritage is rooted deep into our culture, and everyone here knows the ‘koek en zopie tent’, the Elfstedentocht, ‘ijs vrij’, tourtochten op natuurijs, marathonschaatsen, and so on. It almost touches me to see Jan Bos speed skate - his technique and skills are so well developed it’s almost hypnotising to see. It’s something I simply cannot explain because the English language doesn’t have the proper nouns and adjectives to describe the feeling ice, ice skating, and its symbols evoke. It’s similar to Eugenia blogging about Greece; she can try her very best to word the feelings she has for her homeland, but we non-Greeks will never be able to fully comprehend what she means - even if we were to live in Greece for 30, 40, or ten billion years.

This is the same thing. Ice is sacred, and you don’t mess with it. And this is exactly what these scientists are doing.

Ice is ice, not plastic.