Cogs can think.

I learnt something about myself today. I probably already knew it (I know my friends certainly did), but got it confirmed in a rather… Interesting way.

I will go to whatever lengths necessary to defend my own opinion. In a discussion, I will never admit it when I’m wrong. I redefine stubborn. The only way to get me to admit I am wrong is when I can gain something from it.

Today, a certain lady held a presentation in class. It was the first time since all the shite happened that I was sort-of forced to communicate with her - during a presentation, a presenter actually communicates with his or her listeners, mostly non-verbally. But I couldn’t do it. I still have a lot of… Weird feelings about this case, I’m just not sure what to do with all this. We were kind of really close. I’m certainly still extremely angry, but I consider myself to be above public displays of anger. I always opt for the ignore option. Control über alles. It’s better for everyone. There’s no need for me to act like an angry child.

So, I didn’t look at her, I ignored her. Sheer disapproval. The good thing about this option is that you really need to know what has happened between that lady and I to know I am actually ignoring her. And that’s good.

But to get back to that thing I learnt about myself - at one point, someone in the audience critiqued one of her statements. Yours truly, however, had to agree with the presenting lady. And so, my instinct to defend my own opinions overruled my anger with regards to the lady - I opened my mouth, defended the lady’s statements.

And it actually made me proud of myself. Not only does this mean I’m really willing to defend my opinions, it also means I can sever my personal emotions regarding people from the things they are saying.

And yeah, I’m proud of that.