Cogs can think.

Even though it may seem as if I have closed this book months ago, that’s not really the case. Externally - yes, closed, locked, burnt, ashes flushed down the drain. Internally - no. The book was still open, up until November or December of last year. After a brief flirt with the idea of trying to work things out, of trying to see if something might still be there, I decided I would be wasting my precious and extremely valuable time.

For once in my life, I decided to listen to the advice friends were giving me. This is quite the rare occurrence, and partially explains some of my more… Embarrassing mistakes.

It took me a while to find the right words (which in itself is kind of ironic, seeing she was one of the few who could shut me up in the first place), but as I was driving through the rainy night just now, listening to Alanis’ “So-Called Chaos” (what’s up with that surge in interest in Alanis lately? I mean, seriously?), it hit me.

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withold like it’s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you’ve never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest man you’ve ever met
I am the kindest soul with whom you’ve connected
I have the bravest heart that you’ve ever seen and you’ve never met anyone
Who is as positive as I am sometimes

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light, and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I’m ashamed
There’s not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I’m terrified and mistrusting and you’ve never met anyone
Who is as closed-down as I am sometimes

I’m the funniest man that you’ve ever known
I am the dullest man that you’ve ever known
I’m the most gorgeous man that you’ve ever known
And you’ve never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light, and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I’m ashamed
There’s not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

Or so I thought.

Closed, burnt, flushed. Lather, rinse, repeat.