GTA4 is still a fcuking mess
September 27, 2009So, I thought I’d give Grand Theft Auto 4 another go after I tore it apart in my review. And you know what?
The game is still a fcuking piece of shit. I have NO fucking idea why the press gave this game so much acclaim.
The missions are all strictly linear, without deviation. This means that the world gets “reset” as soon as you start a mission. This may seem insignificant, but it makes GTA4 nothing more than a stricly linear progression of missions where you are nothing more than a string puppet.
In Saints Row 2 (A MUCH BETTER GAME), missions are not linear. In Saints Row 2, you can be clever. In games like this, you can bet your sweet ass that a simple objective like “kill guy Abc in building Xyz” will end in him escaping the building and driving off, where you have to follow him. I hate sequences like that, so I get clever and use my Latin/Greek-school educated überbrain: in Saints Row 2, I usually parked stolen cars in front of all the exits before the mission started, blocking the thugs from escaping. This way, I could kill them inside, and not be forced into stupid car chase sequences.
In GTA4, by contrast, you sure can park cars in front of all the escape routes, but because everything gets reset to a prescripted setup as soon as you start the mission, it’s all for naught. You are forced to play the mission in exactly the way as the guys at Rockstar set out for you - to the fucking letter. Deviation is not possible.
So, while GTA4 might give you the illusion of being in a sandbox, the sandbox is nothing more but a glorified mission hub where you play a few strings of strictly linear missions where player ingenuity is not welcome. My überbrain gets to hop up and down impatiently, brimming with ideas of more clever ways to finish a mission, but GTA4, the mother of all sandbox crime games, just won’t fcuking let me.
The linearity of missions pokes through in an even more fcuked up way too. I’m currently trying to complete a mission where some guy is holed up with a whole bunch of his lackies. His lackies are easy to kill, but at the end, he escapes the building (HOW FCUKING UNEXPECTED OF YOU, GTA4), and hops into a boat, where you have to follow him on a bike. When I started the mission for the first time, I noticed the boat and realised he’d use it to escape, so against my better judgement, I decided to move the boat into the middle of the ocean, and destroy it. Pointless, of course, as the boat magically reappeared when the bad guy got there.
Anyway, when he gets on the boat, you are supposed to jump on a motorbike and follow him along the coastline. Another linearity limitation: you must follow the exact path as set out by Rockstar. Any deviation from the bike path set out by Rockstar will make you fail the mission. After trying this for the umpteenth bazzilionth time, I got pissed off, and decided to get him before he could enter the boat.
At one point during the chase, he jumps off a building. So, I jump too, and aim to land directly on top of him. He falls down, I get up and think: I got you now you sorry fcuk. I was already waving the flag, but I was too early. As it turns out, you are not allowed to kill him yet. He was invincible. I emptied my entire machine gun on him, but he wouldn’t die. He can’t die. The guys at Rockstar do not want you to be clever or good at the game - they want you to do the fcuking impossible motorbike chase.
And then you fail the mission for the 398573495730495872349075349796760158734674363426th time, and you have to start the entire 20 minute mission all over again because the guys at Rockstar were too busy coming up with ways to make your cousin Roman AS FCUKING ANNOYING AS POSSIBLE to still have time to implement a fcuking CHECKPOINT SYSTEM. On top of that, the bad guys all magically respawn, but your own used ammo and health does not. Meaning my bank account is now empty, so I can’t restock on ammo and health, and there are no other missions currently available to earn any money.
These issues come on top of all the problems I already touched in the review. GTA4 is an utter and total piece of shit - sure, a pretty piece of shit with sparkly diamonds and realistic lighting effects - but a piece of shit still. People are so busy jerking off to the graphics that they forget that the gameplay is so utterly constrained, broken, and idiotic.
Grand Theft Auto 4 is still one of the worst games I’ve ever played. Then again, I’m the idiot here, and Rockstar is laughing its ass all the way to the bank - I paid 64 EUR for this shit.
I do partially agree with you. The linearity is fcuked up. But still, the game design is awesome and, when not in a mission, the possibilities are endless. I love the whole GTA theme, and SR1 kinda was a GTA clone imo. I haven’t tried SR2 yet, but maybe I should give it a try.
Comment by Levi — September 27, 2009 @ 3:48 pm
Sounds like GTA 3 to me but with better graphics. Rockstar does this in all there games not just GTA, it just to make programming easier for them self I guest.
Comment by Mike — September 27, 2009 @ 4:18 pm
I’m shocked byu your language.
I’ll consider reading your articles as soon as you’ll have fixed your language.
As bad as it can be, it doesn’t justify the use this kind of language…
Seems like you’ve been playing this kind of game for a too long time… We don’t speak on the internet, as we do in the streets…
Comment by toto — September 27, 2009 @ 4:20 pm
Hello Thom, I would quickly change your article, else Todo will not read them!
I agree with you, GTA feels like an interactive film, press the right button at the right time, Though GTA 1 was brilliant for its time.
Comment by Righard — September 27, 2009 @ 5:26 pm
I agree with Toto, Thom. You need to improve your writing. You made several grammatical and spelling mistakes. For example: fcuk is fuck and fcuking is fucking.
I also don’t like your tone. It’s too tame and monotonous. You should use more colorful and varied terms: son-a-bitch and motherfucker. You could consult http://www.urbandictionary.com/ for more examples and how to increase your vocabulary.
Because not everybody is english or comes from a english speaking country you should also include those expressions in other languages: http://www.noslang.com/
Comment by genius — September 27, 2009 @ 6:14 pm
Those who have read this blog for more than a day will know that he intentionally types “fcuk'’ instead of “fuck'’. It’s habit now.
Comment by ElRey — September 28, 2009 @ 2:15 am
I gave up on GTA after trying San Andreas (is that before or after GTA4?). It actually had my hopes up for a while in the beginning when I thought it might turn into a quest for vengeance against who killed your mother and the corrupt police officers. Unfortunately that was not to be and I quickly realized that a) the hero is an idiot, b) his friends are even bigger idiots and c) he has no backbone or will of his own. The only person I liked even remotely (for the short time I could stand playing it) was the brothers girlfriend who is apparently the only one with a brain and balls to tell them they’re all idiots and leave.
Call me old fashioned but I like to have at last a choice of not willingly participating in spree killings and 1st degree murders. I mean, come on, at least give the hero some sort of likable qualities. Even anti-hero’s need something about them you can like but no, J.D (or whatever) is just one gigantic moronic asshole. Even the guys in Redneck Rampage got more sympathy from me.
The only part that I found fun was stealing a Harley or other vehicle and drive around aimlessly. I guess it says a lot about your game when the most fun aspect is avoiding the plot and story at all costs.
It’s easily one of the worst games I have ever played.
Comment by Soulbender — September 28, 2009 @ 8:28 am
Ah, the last mission… true, that was frustrating (can’t tell you how many times i fell off that damn helicopter…), but as for the rest of the game I can’t remember doing any mission more then 2-3 times.
For me the biggest annoyance in the whole game was Roman & friends and their fscking phonecalls, it was like a chore, but overall I have to say I enjoyed GTA4 quite a bit.
I can understand why you are so angry though - that last mission really had me clenching my teeth and cursing like a madman ;)
Comment by Marcin — September 28, 2009 @ 11:05 am
You know I agree with a lot of the problems this article mentions. But “one of the worst games I’ve ever played” is just such a stupid comment it makes me not want to read another word this author ever writes. In future maybe you should try to be rational and your words would carry much more weight.
Comment by Darren — November 9, 2009 @ 8:39 pm