Cogs can think.

It’s American, so it falls apart because the build quality is unimaginably low, and of course it will handle like an oil tanker in a ditch. On the bright side, in a crash, you’re always at least 6 metres away from the point of impact.

But, who cares. People will be scared of you.

It’s no secret I despise the Toyota Prius. Not only is it ugly, it is also anything but environmentally friendly.

Anyway, if you want to know what car all those supposedly eco-friendly fake Hollywood-people will be driving this year, look no further than the Lexus LS 600h L. This car has a 5.0l V8, augmented by an electric engine, and it can drive on the petrol engine alone, or on the electric engine alone, or any other possible distribution in between. It looks stunning (I mean, seriously, it’s stunning), and as an option, you can have creme-coloured leather. Hollywood types are gonna love this. And, of course, because it’s hybrid, people get all warm and fuzzy inside and think it’s eco friendly! Which makes no sense! But who cares! It’s hybrid!

Of course, these people will only use their hybrid cars when they go to Letterman or Oprah. For the rest, they’ll continue to use normal petrol guzzling cars (big SUVs, sportscars, whatever).

Oh, hypocrisy. It should get its own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Just like Mercedes, Volvo is a company on the roll.

It all started with the gorgeous Volvo XC90; one of the few SUVs which radiate class and a sense of style (instead of utter vulgarity).

They then stunned the world with the beautiful Volvo C70, the sexiest coupe-cabriolet in the world.

Following the C70, they launched a revision of their top-of-the-line limousine, the Volvo S80. Just as stunning.

And to top it all off, they just released their idea of the ‘hot hatch’; maybe not as crazy as the utterly manic Honda Civic, but I’ll tell you now– the C30’s design will stand the test of time much better than the Civic.

Another contestant for the Ugliest Car in Human History: the Ssang Yong Actyon.

Whoever “designed” that should be shot. No questions asked.

Traffic jams are a major problem in The Netherlands. For about 5-6 hours a day, our entire country is stuck in one big gridlock, and this is of course extremely damaging to not only the economy, but also the environment. Countless solutions have been proposed and tried, but nothing has so far worked.

As far as I am concerned, there is only one solution. Right now, cars are all individual tiny metal boxes, they are not connected to other cars on the road, they live on islands, completely unaware of what the cars around them are doing. What leads to traffic jams are people having trouble with merging lanes, on and off ramps, and unnecessary braking. If all cars on the highway did 120 kph standard, there would be no traffic jams.

So, the obvious solution is to automate everything. Design a system where cars are no longer at the whim of the drivers (and trust me, 90% of the people cannot drive), but in fact rely on computers and satnav systems to guide them to their destinations. If every car has a computer designed to let cars run at the maximum allowed speed, traffic jams would still be there, but they’d be moving at 120 kph, and hence it will look like a traffic jam on a still photo, but in fact all the cars are automagically kept at a safe distance while moving at the maximum speed.

There, another problem solved.

You know what’s one of the best feelings you can have?

After a long night out of drinking and dancing in Amsterdam, after driving home the next morning with Sufjan Stevens in your car stereo, you get to your own beautiful apartment, you are greeted cheerfully by your cat, you eat some Frosties with ice cold milk, after which you watch a Futurama episode, and end it all off with a steaming hot coffee, while listening to “Super Extra Gravity“.

Now, that specific feeling. I believe it’s called being alive.

I’ve never been a huge fan of Mercedes Benz; I always found its cars the stuff for drug dealers and pensionados. However, as of late, they have really gotten onto something.

This all started with the gorgeous Mercedes CLS. This car represented the new design philosophy of the company, and I fell in love with it instantly. It was new, refreshing, excentric; exactly what I look for in a high-end automobile.

They continued this new design philosophy when they launched the new S class this year (according to many, the S class is the best car money can buy); this car, which is very popular in the region I live in, is a very impressive piece of machinery; let’s just say that if you want to know what kind of options your Renault or Opel/Vauxhall has in 15 years, just check the current S class. It’s the epitome of automotive technology.

In between the CLS and the S class, Mercedes launched the completely ridiculous but oh so desirable R class; a car so large, so big, so utterly intimidating, it’s just scary. It doesn’t show on pictures, but this car is larger than a 7 seat SUV.

And now they are finishing it off with one of the best looking cars I’ve ever seen: the brand new Mercedes CL:

Spicey. Mercedes can now add me on their fan list.

And so an era comes to an end.

I am very sad to see Michael Schumacher, the best racing driver to have ever existed, retire. Even today, his last race, with all the bad luck, he fought until the very last second, coming back from the 20th position all the way up to 4th. What a sportsman.

He will be sorely missed at my beloved Ferrari.

Rests me to painstakingly acknowledge Renault and Alonso.

I just saw an interesting short documentary about an electric car General Motors produced for a very brief period of time about ten years ago– the EV1. This was a futuristic electric car, which performed like a normal petrol car and handled like one. It was destined to be a massive hit. However, under mysterious circumstances, GM killed the project to make way for the… Hummer program. It was explained that in that time, owning a Hummer could give a lot more tax deductions than owning any electric car did.

At the end, one woman summed the fate of that electric car up pretty well.

If they’d be making these, that’d put a whole lot of millionaires out of business.

And that is all there is to it. The car industry and the oil industry are sustaining one another; it is my strong belief that if we want to, we could be driving cars running on nothing but water or electricity. Hydrogen engines are developing at a massive pace, and in fact, are already in production in Japan. Had our governments put their asses into it, we’d all be driving clean cars now. But we are not. All because the oil industry is the backbone of our economy, and they are extremely powerful, and nobody has the guts to do something about it.

And no, the Prius does not count. The Prius is in fact environment unfriendly, since its production process is much more polluting than that of a normal car (you know, two engines need to be produced) and its kilometres per litres is not any better than that of a modern diesel. The Toyota Prius is nothing but an ugly car that sooths the conscience of the rich and famous.

In order to really stop the destroying of our environment, we need to do a full 180 and switch our entire infrastructure over to hydrogen and/or electricity-based engines. Petrol and diesel are polluting as hell, and hybrids are pointless.

However, as long as no one dares to take on the big oil conglomerates, our planet is doomed. And yes, people, I’ll be the first to drown. I live below sealevel.

Asmost of you will know, my ultimate materialistic goal in life is the Aston Martin DB9. This car is automotive perfection.

Of course there is one car out there that is even more Perfection, but that car is unreachable, since only 18 of them have been built, making it one of the most exclusive automobiles on the planet. If you have an Alfa Romeo Tipo 33 Stradale, you’re not going to sell it. You are going to care for it, caress it, and protect it. And rightfully so. If you are one of them 18 owners, I envy you, and hope you will cherish this Divine Perfection so that future generations can awe in its Perfection as much as the past and current generations do.

And now, a new kid is on the block. Finally, a car that rivals the DB9 in looks. This new car can make my heart skip beats just as much as the DB9 does. Or… Maybe more?

Welcome to the circle, 8C Competizione. After you were first allowed to make baby steps outside of Alfa Romeo Centre Stilo in 2003, your creators in Milano have mulled continuously whether or not to allow you to be sold to the general audience. Now that they have favoured your coming to the people, you are finally allowed to maybe become my ultimate materialistic goal in life– don’t you agree it was just appalling some British company that went bust 283463 times actually produced a car more stylish than anything Italy had to offer?

You were, weren’t you?

Thank you, Centre Stilo and Alfa Romeo, for deciding to produce this Divine Perfection. Seriously. Thank you.