Cogs can think.

A Google Street View car just drove through my tiny little street a few times. It’s funny, because my home town is a small insignificant blip on the map, out in the middle of nowhere. I stood right in front of the window, so maybe my coffee-energised face will appear on Google Maps.

This is all just part of Google’s masterplan to take over the world. I compete with them.

Hillary Clinton just spoke at the The Hague conference for Afghanistan, prasing the Dutch approach over there. She said that the current review of strategy the US government is undertaking is largely based on the Dutch approach.

Muhahahhahahahaha step one in the Grand Dutch Masterplan to take over the world is now complete. We are on the rise again, we will rule the sees once again. Obama and Clinton are just our pawns in our plan to bring glory to the Queen. You Americans had no idea, did you? You had no idea! Obama is an android, and Clinton is actually a 67 year old male in disguise. You should’ve voted for McCain, you meaningless democracy-abiding spineless twats! The monarchy will rise! The Kingdom will spread! You will bow and kiss the feet of the mighty Orange Dynasty!

Back to my super secret hideout, it’s time to prepare for step two. Deploy androids 175 and 931! Leve de Koningin! Hoera! Hoera! Hoera!

Best. Conspiracy. EVAR.

Whether you hook up your TV via digital connections, analog connections, or both, you are unlikely to detect any difference in picture quality between a cable with a moderate price and a luxury brand. The only difference you’re likely to notice is how the cable looks behind your TV.

It didn’t take me a test to figure that obviousness out. My entire audio/video/television system is digitally connected via optical audio cables and HDMI, and I’ve always specifically told the sales people to more or less shove their nonsense up their asses and give me the cheapest HDMI/optical cables they had in stock. I told them the same thing when I was hooking up my parents’ brand new A/V/TV equipment - cut the crap, and give me your cheapest cables. I’m not going to discuss this with you salespeople, because you’re wrong.

The only justifiable reason to pay 130 EUR for a HDMI cable is that the cable overall is sturdier, and will last longer. However, for picture and audio quality, it doesn’t make a single goddamn difference, and if you still claim that it does, you’re thick and a thief of your own wallet (as we Dutch say).

Kind of like all that UFO nonsense. I saw one, so they must be real! No, let’s just follow Occam’s Razor, and take the simpler explanation: you’re just an idiot.

Today, I have encountered what could very well be the Dutch patient zero. I saw an emo. In Alkmaar. An emo in The Netherlands.

You know what this means right?

It has found a way to cross the Atlantic. It has found a way beyond the border of the United States, into Europe. No longer is the emo issue a domestic American problem - oh no. This is now an international problem.

Where is the Threshold plan when you need it? I want Molly!

Peter R. de Vries. A horrible man, an attention whore, with a disgusting voice, and the ability to annoy the living daylights out of just about anyone. I don’t like the man, but, I have to admit: he has been able to capture criminals and murderers that the ‘ordinary’ police couldn’t get. And for that, he deserves respect.

And now, he claims to have solved the Holloway case - you know, that white blue-eyed blonde haired drunk whore innocent perfect little straight-A girl that got America all so worked up because, well, she was white. And had blue eyes. And probably was head cheerleader too.

She vanished on Aruba, and the last person to have seen her was Joran van der Sloot - a rather annoying (but not more annoying than other boys his age) white (not black! America mustn’t have liked that bit) boy who claimed to have left her on the beach - or something. Anyway, no evidence supporting his involvement was found.

A few weeks ago, Joran and his parents went on a late-night talkshow to finally close off this chapter - but guess who was there. Our friend Peter R. de Vries, who taunted Joran so far (you’re guilty! You did it!) that Joran threw a glass of wine in Peter’s face. Fully deserved, of course, and anyone who saw the entire show (like I did) can fully understand why Joran did it. Armchair psychologists (read: the people who make me not like democracy) were quick to deduct that throwing a glass of whine makes you a murderer (I’d have to tell that to Nina Persson), and so, he must have done it.

However, that was by far not the most interesting moment of the show. That moment came a few seconds earlier. Joran asked Peter, “If it all comes out and it turns out definitely that someone else did it, are you man enough to offer your apologies?” Peter stared him straight in the eyes and said, “What do you think?”. Joran looked straight back, and replied, “I don’t think so.”

“We’ll see.”, was Peter’s tantalising response.

To me, it seems that yesterday’s news can mean two things. One, the most obvious one: Joran turns out to be guilty after all - not of murder, but of getting rid of the body. Rumour has it that Holloway died of an accident, and Joran disposed of the body. Unlikely, but hey, we don’t know the inner psyche of Joran.

The second possibility is more tantalising, and not at all far fetched: Peter and Joran cooperated. They were in it together all along: put the blame solely on Joran, so that Peter could investigate another suspect in relative peace - the other suspect would feel safe seeing how Peter so squarely accused Joran. Sounds black helicopter-y to you? It’s considered a real possibility by many. The “We’ll see” actually fits this story - since it referred to offering apologies, and not the guilty/innocent question.

Sunday, we’ll know. I can’t wait.

I just had one of the weirdest experiences ever.

Here I was, watching the evening news/discussion program, about the Dutch military effort in Afghanistan. At the same time, I’m browsing OSNews, reading/making comments. All of a sudden, my ears pick up some faint static - the static a radio produces when it is in AM mode. My ears are extremely keen, so even the faintest of noises make it to my brain.

Anyway, the static turned louder, and all of a sudden, I heard voices. I could clearly hear a German woman speaking about “Korea”. It was difficult to make out individual words, but from the woman’s intonation I could make out it was a news programme. I immediately muted my TV, and located the sound from the speakers of my Apple Cube (my main computer). My first response was to see if there were any audio ads in Safari - but I was browsing OSNews, and we don’t run audio ads (I’d go on strike if we did).

I grabbed the (non-cordless) remote control to my Creative iTrigue speaker set, and max’d out the volume. The static and the woman’s voice undulated, from loud, to faint, and back again, for a few times - until it disappeared. Flabbergasted, I sat there. In the back of my head, that Mythbusters episode about that woman receiving radio signals through her teeth popped up. I swiftly fired up Google, and it promptly gave me a reply.

Thank you Google, for reassuring me I’m not going crazy.

Our former Secretary of Finance Gerrit Zalm (one of the best secretaries, in any field, we ever had; great guy, too) summed up pretty well why I simply do not believe miracles, crop circles, alien visits, conspiracy theories, or other forms of mass hysteria. He said it during a discussion about a popular TV program here where people who have experienced miracles can tell their tale.

There are 16 million people in this country, 365 days, each of which has 24 hours. Coincidences are bound to occur.

Well said, Mr Zalm. Six billion people + enough time = a whole lot of nonsense.

I’ve fcuking had it up to ^here with this whole hypocritical Live Earth and Al Gore crap. Seriously. They can kiss my shiny metal ass.

Wake up call. Driving hybrid cars won’t stop the destruction of our environment. Using three LED lamps in your home doesn’t stop the cutting down of our vital rainforests. Not putting your TV on stand-by at night won’t stop the useless mass killing of wildlife. Buying 10% of your meat intake at responsible farmers won’t stop the barbaric mistreatment of animals in the bio industry. Watching a promotional marketing film documentary about manbearpig global warming doesn’t make you a concerned citizen. And so on.

All these things are marketing ploys. They are here to sooth your conscience. Ecofriendliness is a serious market now, people, and you are all deceived into believing that a car with two fcuking engines is actually more environmentally friendly than a modern car with one small petrol engine, that a chicken with two A4 sheets of paper to live on is actually happier than one living on one A4 sheet, that not putting your TV on standby will make a fcuking difference in the grand scheme of things, and so on. Ecocrap sells, but does it actually make a goddamn difference?

I always proclaim that the people are stupid (I mean, look at democracy); however, I would really like to be proven wrong, but damnit, you aren’t making it any easier for me. The mass deception that is called ecofriendliness and carbon-neutral really proves once again that we are, in fact, stupid. The Romans already knew (panem et circenses), and little has changed since then.

If we want to save our planet, we will need to do some massive, massive changes. Contrary to what your government and Toyota want you to believe, driving hybrids and eating low-fat food won’t save the world. We’ll need to make serious and unpopular changes that none of our pansy politicians dare to force upon us.

Sadly, the people put in power by the people are barely worth enough to use as ass wiping paper.

On the National Geographic Channel I’m watching this documentary about how aliens have supposedly sparked the early civilisations of man. Because, how on earth were the Egyptians capable of building those pyramids? How did the large pyramids in South America get built? I mean, they were savage, stupid beings, right?

No, you arrogant morons. The ancient Egyptians were exactly the same as us. They had the same brain size, the same mental capabilities as we have. They were not “dumber” than we are today. A Homo Sapiens Sapiens is a Homo Sapiens Sapiens, whether it lives now, or 4000 years ago. This means that if we can grasp something, so can they. I find it highly arrogant to think that our ancestors were too dumb to build the pyramids.

Imagine 5000 years from now. Archeologists discover the Petronas Towers. I can just see the nutjobs of that era going, hey, how did they build that with their limited technology? Aliens must have helped them!

Pathetic.